Ever thought about buying used underwear?  No?  Then be careful where you shop.

Nordstroms, Macy’s, Victoria’s Secret, Bloomingdales and The Gap were recently caught on tape accepting returns of used underwear, re-tagging them and putting them right back on the sales floor.

A Today Show report this morning showed undercover investigators purchasing underwear and bikinis from eight major retailers, removing the hygienic strip and returning the product to the sales floor.  They marked their purchases with small dots in order to identify them.  Every store took the items back for full refund.  In the cases of five of the retailers the item was immediately re-tagged and put back on the sales floor, sometimes within seconds! 

A former employee who worked at three different Victoria’s Secret stores told stories of even worse actions.  Not only did her stores re-tag and place returned lingerie items out for sale, items that had an obvious “odor” to them were hung overnight for the “odor to come out” and then placed back out on the sales floor.  Gross!  Even stained items were accepted and resold, she said.  This statement was put to the test by the investigators who visibly stained some panties with baby oil.  Employees at The Gap, Bloomingdales, Victoria’s Secret and Macy’s accepted the returns, gave the refund and placed those items back out for sale.

It’s not illegal on a national level to sell used underwear.  Some charity stores like Salvation Army sell donated underwear but they are thoroughly washed (supposedly) before being placed up for sale and buyers at their stores knowthe items are used.  And, unfortunately, there is a large market on the Internet for underage girls to sell their used panties to men, especially in Japan, and women in general can sell theirs to those with certain, um, fetishes. 

Some states have laws regarding what personal items can be resold.  In New York it’s illegal to sell used hats, but not used underwear.  Apparently head lice is a bigger problem than anything that could be transmitted through used underwear.  What are the health risks?  According to microbiologist Peter Kameek (sp?), if not properly cleaned before wearing, used underwear can harbor dangerous germs and diseases that can stay present and active in fabric for weeks.  The dangers are most apparent in traces of, gulp, fecal matter harboring such things as bacterias, viruses and fungi.

Stores where purchases were made and not seemingly returned to the sales floor were Saks Fifth Avenue, J. Crew and Express.  Looks like Saks got smart after they got caught doing this by a New York CBS affiliate back in 2003.  Funny, Macy’s and Victoria’s Secret were also caught back then.  All five stores issued statements to The Today Show that it’s not their policy to do so.  Policy, schmolicy.  Profits talk, people.

So what’s a girl to do?  You can either buy panties in unopened packages (aka “granny panties”) or make sure the hygiene liner is present on the stuff you buy.  Problem is most panties don’t come with those anymore, only bathing suits.  So other than wearing your goods until they’ve worn out so badly you might as well be wearing nothing, just be sure to thoroughly wash any undergarments you buy before you wear them.  And try not to think about it when you’re browsing the lingerie.

Okay, this falls under the category of things that make me go, “huh????”

I just saw an ad for a little plastic contraption that, get this, helps you crack eggs.  That’s right, folks.  It’s no longer necessary to tap our eggs against the side of a bowl or pan or on the counter top.  With this handy-dandy little device, you can crack an egg in half with only a four step process …

1. put the egg in the contraption;
2. squeeze the contraption to crack the egg;
3. remove the shells from both sides of the contraption;
4. wash the thing to get the egg off it.

Gee, how easy (as compared to the two steps it takes me right now to crack an egg).  Oh, and if it’s too tedious for you to seperate the yolk from the white the old fashioned way, it has a little adapter you place under the egg that the yolk drops into while the white falls away around it to the waiting bowl below.  Great, one more thing to wash.

But wait, there’s more!  If you order this little device right now you get …. wait for it, wait for it … the egg scrambler!  That’s right, you just place your egg on this little stick-like device, press the button and voila!  You’ve now scrambled the egg INSIDE THE SHELL.  Now all you need to do is take the egg, stick it inside the egg cracking device (steps 1, 2, 3, & 4) and you’ve got a scrambled egg!

People, please.  I really wish I had the statistics to see exactly how many people will order this $10 Wonder of the Modern World.  So, I did a search online for this particular product and, lo and behold, I found at least three other egg crackers and another in-the-shell egg scrambler.  Really?  How lazy are we that we can’t crack or scramble an egg without the help of some little plastic gadget?  This falls right in line with some of the other “amazing” products we’ve seen on infomercials the last few years.  Let’s review.

1. The Meatball Magic.  If you didn’t see this one, feel lucky.  Grab a big hunk of ground beef, smoosh and cut it into a square, press the plastic mold down over it and there are your meatballs.  And a bunch of leftover ground beef.  And a greasy mess to clean off your cutting board.
2. The Ab Energizer, Abtronic or any related “shock your ab muscles into shape” product.  Seriously.  You would rather run electrodes across your stomach than do a sit-up?
3. The Flowbee.  Attach this little wonder to your vacuum cleaner and give yourself (direct quote from their website) “the most popular haircut styles.”  Most popular where?  Sadly, I had a friend from high school that actually used one of these.  But, in his defense, his hair always looked like a frayed Brillo pad anyway.  Sorry, Dan.
4. The Great Looking Hair system.  I know this came under other names but this was the only one I could remember.  Basically, spray paint for your head.  Spray it on in a color that matches your existing hair (what’s left of it) and look like you have a full head of hair.  Until it rains, anyway.
5. Head-On.  “Apply directly to the forehead.”  ‘Nuf said.
6. Pasta Express.  Yep, just put the pasta in the container, add boiling water, wait a few minutes, strain the water from the container and enjoy.  Instead of just adding the pasta to the water you already had to boil to use the silly thing.

There are soooo many more, but these are just the ones off the top of my head.  If you have any other fun ones, let me know.  I think I’ll go to my craft table now and invent a blanket with arms that looks like I put my robe on backwards.